To be nobody-but-yourself -- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest
battle which any human being can fight;
and never stop fighting.
 - e.e. Cummings

Growing up I was a “good” girl.  I did what I was told.  I grew up doing things for others instead of myself.  I thought the way to show love was by doing what I thought the other person wanted.  I believed there was a “right” and a “wrong” way to do everything.  I believed everyone felt the same way I did but they had a better way of hiding their emotions.  One of the things that pained me the most was when I would hurt someone’s feelings.  This tore me up inside.  I would beat myself up with my hateful self talk.  I owned other peoples emotions.  If they were mad at me, hurt, angry or any other emotion I owned it.  I thought I caused them to feel that way.  I felt as if it was always my fault.  I felt that there was something wrong with me.  I always felt I was doing the wrong things.  I looked at life and saw what was wrong with it.  I was never true to myself.  I didn’t know who I was.  I didn’t know what I wanted. 

I don’t know how but I knew that the life I was living wasn’t good enough.  Somehow I knew there was more.  I didn’t know what it was but I always knew there was more to life then where I was at.  As a teenager I didn’t know it was okay to say how I felt.  I didn’t know it was okay to put up boundaries.  I know my parents tried their best to teach this to me but I didn’t hear it. 

When I went away to college I started to gain more self confidence.  It was the first time I was on my own.  I learned a lot about myself in college.  I learned that some people actually thought I was pretty.  I learned that some people actually did like me.  I learned that I had a fun personality that most everyone enjoyed.  I learned to laugh at myself.  I learned to make fun of myself before someone else did.  I also learned how I thought I was supposed to act.  I began to act and look confident on the outside but on the inside I was still confused and lost.  I was becoming a chameleon.

In my early thirties my life took on a whole new meaning.  After some major life changes, marriage and then a painful divorce I began to look at who I was.  Everything I had previously thought I was going to have in life was now up in the air for negotiation and reflection.  It was the first time I realized I had no idea who I was.  I’d been living in my mind, in this body of mine for 31 years and I had no idea who I was.  I did gain more self confidence in college but I also learned that I had done a great job of pretending to be confident.  I was a chameleon. 

On the outside I seemed confident, sure of myself and happy.  On the inside I was anxious, sensitive, easily hurt and very afraid.  I learned that I was afraid and anxious almost every day of my life.  I lived in a world of anxiety and fear.  I was afraid to admit to myself how I really felt.  I was afraid to tell anyone my deepest emotions, thoughts, fears or dreams.  I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be.  Somewhere inside of me there was a drive to get to know myself.  To have the life I had only secretly dreamed of.  To create the life I had always dreamed of.  There was something inside of me that believed life could be different.  I knew there was a different way to live my life and I was on the beginning of a journey to discover it.  I slowly began to get to know myself. 

I began to honor my emotions.  I began to ask myself powerful questions.  I began to find out what I felt.  I didn’t always share with others how I felt but I started to admit to myself how I felt.  That in itself was a huge step for me.  I realized that I was right where I was in my life because of the choices I had made.  The realization was surreal for me.  I began to take on responsibility for who I was and where I was at in my life.  I looked at everything in my life.  My marriage, my divorce, my friendships, my decisions, my internal negative dialog, past relationships, my relationship with my sister, mother, father and other family members.  I looked at everything.  It was an awakening moment for me. 

I realized that everything, I mean everything in my life was where it was at that moment because of the decisions and choices that I had made.  It wasn’t because I had bad parents (which I don’t) it wasn’t because I was wrong all the time (because I wasn’t) it wasn’t because other people knew more than me (because they didn’t) it wasn’t because of anyone else.  It wasn’t because of any excuse I could think of.  It wasn’t anyone’s fault.  It was the first time in my life that I took responsibility for my life, for who I was and how I felt.  I was Melissa Rae Risdon and I was exactly where I was in my life because of the decisions that I had made.  It was a rough one to swallow when I first realized it.  Then slowly it became liberating, it became powerful. 

If I was exactly where I was because of the decisions I had made, then I had the choice to change it.  I could now make better decisions, I could choose differently and in turn my life would be different, it would be better.  My life would be what I dreamed it to be.  I changed my internal dialog.  I began to look at what is right around me instead of what is wrong.  I gained self-esteem and self-confidence on the inside.  I learned to see all the beautiful things that surround me.  To see the love that has surrounded me my entire life that in the past I choose not to feel, not to see and not to hear.  I now hear and feel others love and care for me.  I now love who I am.  I’m proud of who I am and I love myself.  I give to myself what I had been desperately wanting from other’s my whole life.  I now look internally for what I used to look for externally. 

I am grateful for my perseverance, I am grateful for learning to love myself, I’m grateful for choosing to change my internal dialog and talk positively to myself.  I learned to respect myself, I learned to accept myself, I learned how to express myself.  All of my experiences have made me who I am.  In 2006 I quit my corporate job to pursue my passion, to become a coach and help others create healthy and fulfilling relationships.  I discovered my passion, I discovered my purpose.

Why RAE?

My full name is Melissa Rae Risdon.  I was named after my grandfather and great grandfather on my mother’s side of the family; Raymond Edwin Macdonald and George Raymond Macdonald.  Before my great-grandfather passed away, two months before I was born, he knew that if my mother had a girl her middle name would be Rae.  He was very pleased to know his name would go forward in the family.  When I was in the second grade my grandfather passed away.  The memories I have of him are very special to me.  I remember my grandfather saying “Melissa Rae, named after me!”.

As a young girl I did not appreciate having a boy's name as my middle name.  The older I grew the more I grew into the name Rae and learned to love it.  As I matured I began to realize it was a great honor to be named after my mother’s father and grandfather.  Rae is now a name that is dear to me, its part of who I am as a person and it’s in my heart, so I decide to name my business RAE Coaching.  The name came to me with force, with beauty, with complete certainty that my business name should be RAE Coaching.  R = Respect, A = Accept, E = Express.  These are the key elements that I learned about myself.  I learned to respect, accept and express myself.  In turn my purpose is to help coach you to help you discover the same beautiful things about yourself.